There is a lot to talk about tonight.
I started out the day rough. Like, in the UK they call sleeping outside or being homeless sleeping rough. I felt like today I was sleeping rough but inside my house. And my head.
Yep my head was sleeping rough.
Anxiety about how hard it is to run a business and have employee issues. How visiting my adult children that live 300 miles away once every two months feels unnatural but what we get. How I sat for four hours in a car driving across the state and my ass isn’t on fire from pain.
How we laughed w/ friends we’re staying w/ about how we will not at 50 talk about what we had for lunch today, with our partners or our friends.
How I just took all my nighttime vitamins and that feels pretty cool but oldish.
How I don’t feel old at all, but do have a few issues happening with my body that make me think the clock is ticking.
And seriously, minimal pain in the ass.
I am wondering if it’s the shots, the new vitamins or possible the sacral wedgy thing. Pretty sure it’s the shots.
So it was a big Friday.
I wrestled down some of the worst anxiety, but as do alot more curious observer on myself, realize how badly grooved my brain still is. It makes me sad, but focusing on positive things does help the general trajectory. I am saying about 50% fewer negative things than I used to. I’m adding back in about 25% more positive things.
So a generally good trend but room for improvement.
I sure am a One sometimes and feel I need to let everyone in on my enlightenment.
Oh, also… I’m saying about 50% less in general, any kind of talking. Just, listening, or being quiet or asking questions…
This is another huge area where I realize my anxiety has really shown up. I just talk and let anything that pops into my head come out my mouth, just for filler. It’s kindof awful and I can’t believe I still have friends. God, I just make myself kind of sick sometimes.
So thanks friends and anyone still not disgusted by my navel-gazing.