Probably two of the biggest changes I’ve ever made in my life have happened this week.
One, I deleted all news apps from my phone and have dropped my Instagram usage down to about 5% of what it was. I have stopped reading all the news links and stories I was getting sent to me in my Inbox from Medium and other various news services I’d signed up for in the hopes I’d find some inkling of what to do next with my life and to stay current.
With understanding more my personality and ADHD, I had become a shriveling mess. I was constantly bombarded with news about things almost 100% beyond my control. As Mark Twain states, “I have suffered a great many catastrophes in my life, most of which never happened.” That’s what I had moved toward. It had become paralyzing. With my addiction and distraction bent, I was in a negative feedback loop that had me buried and burdened.
I am deleting things, unsubscribing from things and am going to have to figure out what a normal diet of news will even look like.
In addition to just the volume of what I was consuming, everything right now is so insanely negative and toxic. Our president is toxifying the world with his venom, immorality and lack of civility and decency. He is setting a tone that others have to in some way respond to. He’s poisoning the conversation from the minute it starts. So the conversations are toxic and topics are often dire. I am so deeply saddened by what is happening in the natural world right now, with the extinctions of species, forced migrations of people as their lands become uninhabitable, on and on. So the content itself as well has overwhelmed my sensitive, empathic brain and body.
Second, I’m reconnecting with my body again and with nature. Both are critical for me to survive. My brain has a mind of its own… hahahaa… you’re welcome. I’ll trademark that soon. I have to have the Presence that is in all of life, is God, is in me, reconnect to itself each morning. I have to have a reset with the Great Energy of the universe that is in all of life and is in me. I have to reconnect to the Source in order to function in this world.
I woke up today anxious and my mind reeling from events of the past week, much around seeing so many friends I feel intimidated by as well as some conflict. I want to be resilient in the face of all that. I don’t want to get knocked off my own life path by others lives that are how they will live.
I spent time meditating and reconnecting and feel different. I checked email and deleted things I would normally have selected and then gone down a wormhole.
I’m pulling myself back.
I imagined slowly and hesitantly things I want to do. I want to climb the glacier this year. I want to be involved with people again. I want to get my photos out there. I want to maybe help Twin Eagles. I’m ready to be healthy and not keep nursing a body that isn’t really sick, just sad and overwhelmed.