A weekend of activities.
A weekend of research regarding memory loss.
A weekend w/ family and friends celebrating milestones.
A weekend to connect with Jay.
I didn’t feel great waking up Saturday. I didn’t go to yoga which was really unusual for me. I’ve been faithful about that. We had brunch with friends and I worked on a crossword in the afternoon. That evening I had a wedding that was far north, fancy, not many people there I knew, but beautiful.
All day on Sunday, we talked on and off. We had yet another graduation party. But before and after the party, we talked.
We talked about our feelings. We talked about our history. We talked about sex and the future and how we’re changing, how we feel.
One of the parties we went to this weekend, it was with many people we used to spend time with. I didn’t want to be there long. It felt like old times that I’m okay are in the past. All good people, but it’s not a vibration I feel good on any longer for a long period of time. It’s how I felt when I left that community/church years ago. It’s how I felt today. Not much has changed.
This was an event to celebrate someone’s son and that son wasn’t happy about the party per se. HIs father seems unable to have an event that doesn’t focus on himself. That’s what I remembered from before, and it really hasn’t changed.
I acted on my own instincts regarding this community. I listened to myself, my True Self. I’ve kept moving forward. The fruit is what keeps me going. It is beautiful.
My soul was crying with pain in our marriage. I started taking steps in 2014 to make big changes. Slowly, we are repairing. Jay is expressing his emotions. He’s opening up. We’re connecting. We’re becoming a couple after all these years. I’m glad I waited.
I worry about my memory sometimes. It makes me sad. I believe it’s related to the stress of all these years, the PTSD and ongoing stress. I hope it gets better as my stress goes down.
Today, I felt connected to myself, to Jay, to nature, to what I love. I spent the day with Jay. I cleaned, cooked, went on a few walks to our local patch. The weather flew in and out between sun and clouds w/ the magical quality of June light. I listened to birds, drank whiskey, smoked. We ate dinner out at a favorite local lounge. It was a day of enlightenment, a day of conversation, a day of connection, a day of the future.
Spokane, WA