When your depression is so bad, you don’t realize you’re depressed.

You know you’re sad and things aren’t like they used to be. You don’t quite know how that happened or how to get “back.”

I started to question my general sanity as it felt like reality was slipping away. I would think about doing jobs or another career and had a hard time even evaluating what I’d like or what would make me happy or fulfilled.

This goes back to having a lack of solid identity and knowing what “I” am or what that person even wants or needs.

Then the vicious cycle begins as there isn’t a clear delineation of when the issues began and then how to resolve. If your identity wasn’t formed correctly due to C-PTSD, sometimes there isn’t really even a before.

I have a photo of myself on my desk of when I was about five at the dentist. I have this open face with a toothy smile. I look confident and happy, even at five. That started to end at about age eight or nine. In some ways, I didn’t evolve and develop important parts of myself beyond that stage.