I just read an article regarding the genetic impact of childhood stress on your body.
These articles always depress me. They remind me of how damaged I entered into adulthood, and how much work I still have to go.
I’d say the only hopeful thing about these articles is it validates much of my experience in life and makes me not feel crazy or alone. That usually doesn’t outweigh the existential dread of it all, but it’s something.
It makes sense that if stress releases cortisol which is a chemical, that that can alter the state of your genes as you grow. It predisposes your body to react certain way to stress, and stay in a posture of heightened stress even when you don’t need to.
I’ve had to get serious about meditation, taking medicine again and learning when I’m in stress and don’t need to be (99% of the time). I’ve had to even further tighten my boundaries with people that create stress for me. This last activity has been helped by a saying I read recently: If everyone around you is happy with you, you’ve conceded much.
*****
This did not start out as a good day. My nerves seemed to be ramping up as my body sensed, “The move is now your next priority that you have to manage. You will have to interact a significant amount w/ all these people who trigger you, and there’s no way out.”
It didn’t get horrible, but was sort of like, “I don’t know how to manage this.”
I had some time w/ friends and then my improv comedy class I’d signed up for but was anxious about. I sat there thinking, “I already have anxiety. I don’t need more anxiety right now.”
By the end of the two hours though, I felt completely different.
I think I keep trying to solve my head issues with two many other head issues. Meditation helps me get more into my body as well as some other types of activities like that, but it’s not distracting enough and I think right now, I mainly need distractions and support.
Yep. I need to laugh, have more fun, be distracted and hire people to help me. I just can’t fix this, but I need to know Mom is taken care of.
So tonight, my body feels completely different, my spirits feel lighter, I was with people and laughed and stretched myself. I got out of my head and more into my happy body spaces and with great other people.
I need to remember this. For every season, there can be a different solution or series of tools that are needed. I know I think waaaaay too much in general.