PIPER SMALL IS A BLOGGER/WRITER BASED IN THE WESTERN UNITED STATES.

SHE IS MOST INTERESTED IN TOPICS RELATED TO THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE IN MODERN LIFE, FAMILY, COMMUNITY, NATURE, SPIRITUAL PRACTICES, DEPRESSION AND PTSD.

SHE TRIES TO DO ALL THIS WITH AS MUCH HUMOR AS POSSIBLE. 

Today Was the Day

All the documents are in for my parent’s submission to the retirement community.

I keep using that phrase instead of the “facility” or “home.” I guess it’s to help w/ my guilt.

We went to the coin store today and got to unlock the mysteries of the gold/silver purchases story. Mom put in quite a bit and they are taking a 30% hit. This is due to there being a considerable amount gone. No one knows where it is. Do they have a bank lock box somewhere? They say they don’t. Did they bury it? Hide it? I don’t fully know if it’s in their house somewhere. I suspect that my step-dad has hid it and has let his daughter know. We’ll never know.

The money is in the bank, and we have the valuation letter. The papers are in. I wish I felt better. I feel more relaxed. Mom is declining rapidly. I wish she was somewhere already.

I don’t know if this is how family life is supposed to be. I don’t know if I’m supposed to stop working and stop my life and take care of mom. I know I don’t want to and don’t know that I can. Maybe I’m missing out on some great experience. I can’t have them both living here and they can’t live where they are. We don’t really have any other options.

I don’t feel much anger anymore today. It was significant to just walk away from the comments last week and to just let my brother and Jay handle the meeting yesterday. I was fine going to the coin store today, even talking to my mom who was unstable today.

It feels like what I felt compelled to do is done. That was to stabilize her meds and healthcare, get her money secure and find a home for them to move to. Now it’s just details. Even the move feels less significant.

So this was it. A big day for the family. I hope it’s the right decision. I’m glad for this option and enough money to do it. Mom saved her money mostly and put it away in weird places. I don’t think she gave away as much as I thought in big chunks, but a lot has disappeared in smaller amounts.

It is what it is.

Genes and Improv

19 Week 13