My family continues to be challenging and hard to understand.
However.
The parable that I think of at least weekly presents a picture of a man forgiven millions in debt then turns around and can’t forgive a five dollar debt.
I don’t think is just about money. I think it ties in with all Jesus and tons of other spiritual teachers taught about in relation to judgement and judging. Do not judge. Take the splinter out before you take out the log. It’s all about letting people be and focusing on yourself.
How does it apply to things other than money?
I’ve been guided and forgiven much. My old self and shadow self and traumatized ego has controlled a significant part of my life. I’ve been fearful and haunted and cagey and controlling. Just like my step-sister is being.
So can I continue to just let her spin out and not disconnect? Can I just pass and keep working toward our goals and let her spin out and just let her be without freaking out?
I have been forgiven much. I have been given so, so many helpers and guides. Yes, I was open to it. .Yes, I went seeking for it. But then, they appeared and God I believe, the vibrational energy of the world, responded. I have been given and blessed much.
So yes, I can let her be. I can let them all be. They have hunkered down into their pain and the end will not be pretty. All roads don’t lead to heaven it seems. I can forgive and be sad for them and let it be.
It will take daily focusing and practice. These things don’t come easily for me. These are the baby steps with tentative tools. I can be strong in love and also protection of myself. It’s the Way to life, and it means giving more life to others while also receiving more myself.
There’s an endless supply. This isn’t a scarcity economy. There are riches galore if I let it be that way.
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On the plane home the other day, I tried to get my head around some of these concepts. One of my favorite things to do when I hit a puzzle in life is to do a decision-tree, a venn diagram, a flow chart, make up my own geometry equation.
I did this with this situation. I outlined the ways that the people around me are acting and then the way I am acting.
I found that there are significant incongruities with how we are both acting with some overlap.
I need to focus on the overlapping areas and accept that this is a pretty small little area.
I also created a formula basically saying if I have to work with these people (A), and they are difficult (B) then the desired outcome (C) can only be achieved if I do the following: limit contact, accept their misinterpretations of my work and the situation, accept I will not change them, accept partial goals accomplished, adjust expectations, disconnect emotionally, and not take it personally.
I literally cannot expect them to change.
The hardest part, sometimes I just feel so bad for my mom. I know she chose this, but it’s super hard. She’s stuck out there in the woods, and I can only hope she’ll be happier when she moves.