I went to the acupuncturist yesterday and he worked on my IT band and back. Trying to resolve issues w/ my pelvis and hips and back.
Today, I’m exhausted. I actually took a nap at 1. I realized that’s probably it.
I am slowly choosing to have a different perspective in life. I am slowly starting to try and see all that’s good that’s happening around me, now, not later when I realize how blessed I was so many times. It feels lighter, easier, better.
Things that triggered it, like life, are varied. The quote on anger, how it rewires your brain to be less angry. KT talking about the Reticular Activating System. The HS meditations on how stress comes from your view of today and what you wish today was.
It is helping as I deal w/ this stuff related to my parents. I am starting to feel less anxious about my parents and just putting my head down and making it all happen.
I wish Jay was less stressed. He has way too much on his plate right now.
A few other things: as I get physically healthier, I realize that I am going to be healthy. Like, all around. I might not have anything to have to manage. Nothing to keep me from pursuing new dreams and hopes.
In that lays a fear, that I have to now face my own energy and passions and not get distracted. For so long, I’ve been unable to do anything other than cope and survive. Now, there might not be anything stopping me.
I’ve realized that being sick has kept me from facing all of this. It has been a crutch as time has gone on. I’ve always been productive but I’ve also chosen to not make art a priority. I could always find something else that needed to be done.
So I’m scared and also realize this will be a significant shift away from managing sickness to manage projects and a healthy life.
Now it’s up to me to make that happen.