It’s not what you get in life that makes you happy – it’s ultimately who you become
- Tony Robbins
We had a Christmas lunch/brunch today. All the siblings and kids came along w/ our parents.
We are a bit awkward when we’re together. We don’t socialize a ton and we mainly right now are trying to take care of our parents together.
I’ve decided that’s enough. You can’t be best friends with everyone. I figure if you get along decently with family, that’s significant. Family has so many years and so much time to create wounds as well as good memories. By the time kids launch, they really need to be on their own.
So I’ve just decided to choose love over digging in and being full of hate. It helped me today just relax and not be uptight about anyone that came, not be mad at Jay, mad at the world for the imperfection of my family and myself. Just tired of that well-worn path and realize now how many, many years my mind has been looping on my anger and sadness and frustration. It’s taken my mind offline from other things I really have wanted and needed to do. So, I’m done.
Some people in the family are doing better than others.
It’s hard to see young kids talking about depression and anxiety and the meds they’re taking. It’s hard to hear someone that’s 18 talk about how their meds aren’t working anymore and they need something new. I just am sad by all that. It’s a long life ahead when you’re managing meds already. I’m hopeful it helps. There seem to be few solid answers in society to point kids and people to. The churches and schools have been bedrocks of society and produced a lot of good and also severely traumatized people. It was stable although not enough.
Now, especially with media, it seems kids are so wrapped up in their peers and news outside themselves. They aren’t developing their own lives properly. We know so little about what is healthy child development even with all the research. It doesn’t seem to be getting to the kids and parents.
So anyway, I’m glad I had the dinner. I’m tired tonight. It felt like a victory. My mom enjoyed being here I think. Her husband was quiet and sat on the couch alot like he does. They both ate a lot. I’m glad I just made the effort to honor them and also to extend love. But I’m tired.
This afternoon we saw the new Star Wars movie as a bday present to the girls. One of my nieces was sick so my brother took her ticket. It was fun to do something together.
I feel like I might be getting a sore throat which isn’t great timing for Cmas. I’ve tried to keep it low key this year but still takes a toll. I do it all for the most part.
Ending with this, a quote from Diane Tavenner who started the Summit Schools that Bill Gates has called out before:
Much of her advice is based on her belief that parents should support their child’s independent growth. Parents need to mentor, not direct. They should seek out their child’s opinions, encourage them to be self-directed learners, and expose them to as many new ideas, people, places and things as possible.
That’s not bad advice even for a parent of adult kids.
And more:
What I love about Summit is that its vision of success is bigger than getting students to master skills in reading, writing, and mathematics. Those skills, of course, are incredibly important, but there are also other, very necessary skills that will serve them their entire lives, such as self-confidence, the ability to learn, ability to manage their time, and a sense of direction to help them determine what they want to do with their lives. I think the kids who get to attend one of the Summit schools are lucky to go there.
That makes me feel pretty good about what we focused on as parents. We were more into practical things and the future lives we knew they would have some day. We also wanted to build a family community, relationships, how to be and live with people. I guess I’d add that too. It’s sad that doesn’t ever make these lists.