PIPER SMALL IS A BLOGGER/WRITER BASED IN THE WESTERN UNITED STATES.

SHE IS MOST INTERESTED IN TOPICS RELATED TO THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE IN MODERN LIFE, FAMILY, COMMUNITY, NATURE, SPIRITUAL PRACTICES, DEPRESSION AND PTSD.

SHE TRIES TO DO ALL THIS WITH AS MUCH HUMOR AS POSSIBLE. 

Choices at Christmas

Monday at work. Not feeling great.

Ram Dass died today. His favorite quote of mine, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

One of the most freeing things for me has been to really embrace that. It’s been one of the sayings that’s helped me take things less personally. I’ve had years of my life being eaten up by what I thought others thought of me, by others’ actions that hurt me, by almost anything.

Much of what is done that hurts me isn’t based on anything I’ve done. There are some things that are; much isn’t. When I started realizing that, it allowed me to pull back into myself and start living my own life.

Just that.

Just getting my mind back.

Just getting my body back.

Just getting my life back.

I rarely spend time any longer obsessing on what people think or do.

Instead, when things hurt me that others do, I often react first with compassion or questions. I also allow myself to feel whatever I need to feel. Then I move on.

My mind is a lot freer and the big, big benefit is I can tell I’ll have time for my own life again. I might actually have enough time and energy to pursue some other things.

So thanks Ram Dass, for putting all of that into a little phrase, or alot of it at least.

*****

After this weekend, I also thought a lot about what Jay had to say about work, mainly my anxiety levels and intensity.

i saw a phrase today in an article talking about risk. It said you need to clarity what kind of risk you’re talking about, probable or possible risk. I realize that I feel like all the risk at work is possible risk and I act like it. I also realized today I get testy sometimes in conversations with Jay and others. I still get triggered. These are good things to know.

Lastly, I had another good revelation today about myself. I was worn out by the time the afternoon hit and had been at work about four hours. I realized I don’t want to work full days, and that this work drains me after a certain point. I’m not cut out to do it full-time. It was relieving and helpful to just leave, to just go home and unwind, get others things cooking.

Now with this revelation, it’s going to be up to me to take that freedom, both time and my brain space, and do something with it, not just fritter it away.

I’ve realized I’m tired, still. This has been a long, grueling year. I’m ready for a break.

And then, I want to get busy with other things.

I’m concerned about how mom is doing. I think it’s going to be a rough year for her. I want to be present, and I hope I can also keep working toward other goals.

Lastly, I was at the grocery store tonight feeling tired from all the work of the holidays. I decided to instead of going into the spiral of negativity and “I suck,” so I just started being thankful for all the people I was buying gifts for. It helped. I also bought myself a juice and just chilled out more, tried to take some of what I’m learning into the moment. I’m glad. It changed the evening. I went home less depressed and frustrated and just tired and took a break. Much nicer than the alternatives.

Holidays

Family Dinner