This morning I tried something new.
I wrote out my daily schedule on a legal pad along w/ my purpose and intention for the day.
It made a difference.
I’m spending time at my aunt’s house, and when I have a laptop in front of me, it’s easy for it to seem like that’s the most important thing.
Sometimes it is.
Sometimes I have work to do like I did today. I can’t be available for people all the time.
But sometimes it isn’t the most important thing.
Sometimes when I’m done w/ work, I just surf aimlessly and mindlessly.
Sometimes even that’s okay.
But not today when being w/ my aunt is the priority.
She’s had a really long, hard road w/ her health and taking care of herself. She needs attention and companionship, not just a body on a computer the whole time.
She’s heading to bed now. I can sit here and keep typing, or stand in the hall and make sure and hug and touch her before she hits the hay.
What better example to me of getting to know people not exactly like you than my aunt and me. She was super nerdy in school and we wouldn’t have crossed paths as I was into sports and leadership. She was into journalism and studies. We possibly could have crossed paths on a yearbook committee.
Anyway.
I’m glad I set intentions this morning. It helped me stay less intensely focused on work and more available to just chat. I closed my laptop a lot. I listened and asked questions alot. We went on a long walk and cooked dinner.
I got enough work done to feel like that intention was met.
I spent time meditating and being in contemplation and then asked myself, “What is my intention today? What feels important?” These are the things that came to me.
One of the most beautiful things lately as well has been to turn the things around that I’ve been angry about for so long, accept them and then move on.
Today I accepted that I have work to do for our company. I’m the best one to do the work, and I can do it. I can be grateful for it or fight it and be angry.
It’s a lot nicer to be living in my body with the calm that comes from having intention and boundaries and less anger. I hope someday to do other things. Right now, this is my purpose, to get this company finally stabilized, provide jobs, security and hopefully relieve stress for both Jay and I w/ an exit event.
My aunt said I seem less anxious and uptight about everything w/ my parents. I have moved on. It feels like it’s moving through my body and finding a way to live with it all. The personal work is the only thing that’s changed. The situation hasn’t changed. My mom is stabilized so there isn’t a crisis like there has been. There’s still stress and sadness on a regular basis.
For now, it feels like a good place to be and I’m grateful.
So yeah, setting your intention. It’s been interesting.
I’m also putting myself on more of a daily schedule. I don’t see a lot of people that are enjoying their lives being completely without any schedule or any responsibilities I guess you’d say. And responsibility requires discipline or things get messy.
I’m more convinced than ever of that.
So a few new things… morning routine is getting more locked in. Trying to be aware of sunset and moonrise. Doing night chores at 9 every night and have an alarm set. Off media by 10 unless writing.
Focusing on how I’m eating as well, so eating much less. No snacking. Less alcohol.
It feels good. It feels grownup. It feels like if I was going to have victory over all my abusers, if I was into that sort of thing, this would be it.