What is the worst for kids?
To have a parent, a mother, not love themselves.
How can they pass confident and easy self-love along to their child if they don’t have it to share and model? How sad (dangerous?) it is for kids to grow up without that shield of love.
It almost comes down to protection. Love protects yourself from bad influences. It protects your soul. It allows you to make better decisions without desires for fulfillment coming potentially from other sources.
So yeah, love is safer, for parents and especially for kids. I wrote late one night on a paper by my bed, “Women who don’t love themselves can’t protect their kids.”
Is that true?
Yeah, in many ways, it is.
Those thoughts that float through your head while you’re drifting off…
*****
The sexual harassment stuff sucks.
The ripple of it all is impacting my life, Jay’s life, now the few people we’ve told and this person’s employment.
It all goes back to hurt people hurting people. This person was deeply wounded as a kid and has had a typical life of someone with that kind of upbringing. It’s so hard to dramatically change your life as a young adult. It’s almost impossible. You fall into the same patterns that were modeled for you, even if the setting or venue changes; it’s the same dysfunction.
Considering all this person has been through, they’ve achieved a great deal.
Bottom-line though, they haven’t used good judgement and it’s going to change his life more than mine.
I feel like I’m going about my daily life really well w/o a lot of triggering. I can tell though that things will hit the fan in the future, and the impact is there.
I’m very grateful I’ve been in therapy and recovery. I know it’s not my responsibility to fix this person, but I also believe in community and tribe and he’s losing a lot with this decision. I don’t think people do well alone. He doesn’t have a lot.
So it all sucks. I’ll be glad when it’s largely behind me and us. Right now, it’s not yet.