I got the first wedding album finished today for our parents.
I changed them slightly from each other, but they were essentially the same.
It was so fun to go through the photos and revel in the day, the people, the entire experience.
I was tired by the time the day arrived, though not too bad. I also wasn’t as healthy as I am now, not as full of energy, but I did pretty well. I would say I was still in a bit of a fog, still reacting to life and feeling fearful. Overall though, I was so happy all day and so happy to see KT and Bee have such an amazing experience. I think it was everything she wanted it to be, they wanted it to be. Bee later told me he remembers very little about the day other than he got married.
My hip hurts. I didn’t listen to my friend the doc and moderate my swimming as I get started back up. I did some frog leg kicks w/ the breaststroke, and I’m pretty sure that’s what activated it. I actually took pain meds this morning. I also had a pretty aggressive massage on Wednesday and that could have been it. Imaging soon I hope.
I could have been pretty depressed today. I’m low energy, feel I’m fighting off a bug and not real motivated to do anything. But, I’m not. I’m just trying to live each day and not let my mind wander. I’m trying to stay focused and less anxious, not giving into things. I think it’s helping.
I also had lunch w/ the folks. I haven’t called them in quite a while. I just decided to take a break. I guess it felt good to just let myself do that. I could tell they wanted to get out and see me, do something. We had a really nice lunch and visit. I think I am going to keep trying to do more of that. I’d like to get this paperwork finalized then I feel like I could just visit more and do less maintenance. I also am going to buy them some clocks that show date and time digitally so they always know what day it is. I think that would help mom.
Finally, I took a chance and was sexual early this morning w/ Jay. That’s new for me. I’m starting to read the books his counselor recommended and just start talking about things more. I am trying to be open to what it is in me that has been blocking this all these years. It has been largely the business the last ten years and before that, the abuse. It’s been a lot to unpack. Alot. I hope I can turn a corner and have this part of our my life, our life, improve permanently.
It’s weird to be in such as sexualized culture and have been raised in a repressed culture of the fundamentalist church. What complete extremes. Throw some abuse in there, and I’ve been a mess.
Not forever and anything can change.
One note: my pelvic pain is almost completely gone.
In the last PT session, I told her I think the Foundation exercises as well as reduced inflammation in my gut/GI/Stomach is helping as well. I think that and all the trauma has calmed it all down. It’s incredible to feel almost no pain. I have some pain right now as I think I have a little stomach bug. Other than that, not much at all.
It is such an insane relief to have it be gone. I hope I can stay on top of maintenance and make it happen.
The photography stuff and getting all the furniture wrapped up in the office… new life and maybe time again for some writing.