We talked at group about Ch. 4 in our book, Christ of the Celts. We explored the themes of the little book (the Bible) and the big book (nature). What is pulling us toward God through nature or other things besides the Bible? Answers were so compelling.
We talked about the virgin birth and ourselves and shame and sexuality.
I sense we are all getting freer.
I made the comment that it would be so strange for a parent to demand worship and also, not to allow a child to become who they were meant to be. Yet, that’s essentially what Christian theology has migrated to. People resonated with that.
Mary Oliver passed away today. We read some of her poems and commented on how she was saved by her poetry and by nature. She had a childhood she barely escaped I’ve read, severely dysfunctional. Somehow in all that, she made it out and reached out with her gifts to help others.
I read “The Journey” and still feel a thrill with the connection of that to my aunt. I went to her house after she’d been moved to a home and my cousin asked if I wanted anything. I hadn’t planned on taking anything, but then thought maybe a book. I picked up Dreamwork and there was this poem in there. It feels like I discovered it all on my own, and that somehow, my aunt was still loving me through words and books even after she was almost gone. She told me once it was clear my family didn’t want her influence. She somehow still made the connections.
I’m glad for our community and how it’s taking shape and helping each of us. We’re all stretching our wings and doing better. We talked about not feeling like going to church just to stop the voices from speaking at us and to us. We want our own voices. We want to listen to ourselves, to each other and the bigger book, at least for a while.
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I had photography class this morning and feel like I’m understanding what the purpose of the class is as well as the photo shoots we’re doing. It’s starting to come together a tiny bit though I’ve sure been walking blind in all of this.
I hope somehow all this comes together one of these days. I feel I’m really turning a corner on my overall mood and disposition.
I am really choosing to be less stressed and less angry. I’m trying to be more intimate w/ Jay. I’m relaxing and also at the same time, weirdly, being more disciplined. It’s funny how you’d think being less stressed would mean I’m lazier but it’s’ the opposite. It gives me more energy to be productive in a good way and then feel the happiness from being more organized.
I also think the functional nutrition stuff I’m doing is helping w/ mental clarity and my stomach. Those are the things I went to see her for. I weirdly think it’s working though I can’t understand at all what she’s doing with my arm locking, etc. I know three other people who’ve been really helped by this sort of thing. I’m willing to give it a try.
And from Mary Oliver, “You do not have to be good…” Wild Geese, worth a read of it all. I picked this of all poems to read at the wedding. I’m not sure why still, other than I wanted to stress that we’re all still people and all still in need of grace, regardless of what state of happiness, marriage, unmarriage, work, not work, etc. that we’re in.
Life is life and has set rhythms of up and down, things that tend to make us happy (weddings) and things that can bring us down (not weddings). She talks about the natural rhythms of life being something that should inspire us, ground us, focus us. She wanted to remind us that we’re loved and good, that we have a place “in the family of things.” I wanted to bring that to people, I guess as a call to all of us to remember what keeps us sane and alive.
I’m glad I did.