Today's a day to focus on our puppers. Her breathing has gotten labored so I spent the morning at the vet. She's still there, getting XRays. I thought about all the other ways to spend money on besides our dog. She's a family member, and we spend very little on her. That's how I justify it as opposed to more money to a charity.
She reduces our stress level in some ways and probably has helped us stay married during these empty nesting/angsty years. I remember one time imagining getting separated and couldn't imagine sharing custody of her. How's that for a bizarre reality check.
I felt bad earlier this week when I went running. She always likes to go with us when we go outside at all. I decided to let her go and put her on the running harness. She couldn't keep up. I kept pulling her along, frustrated that she was with me and slowing me down.
Finally it was like, "She doesn't feel good, and you're mad at her?" Awesome, you horrible pet owner/human. So that was the final straw to get her some help and continue to flog myself for being Exhibit A always in that tale of the man forgiven millions and himself being unable to forgive pennies.
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I sent out some emails this morning where I'm requesting conversations with people in my recovery group. There are some uptight, angry people in leadership and some of our larger meetings for planning purposes have become incredibly contentious. I simply won't keep going until it gets better. It's just too stressful for where I'm at right now.
It's scary for me to even consider having these discussions, so it's a step to try and do it more healthfully. I am going to try and be relaxed, not triggered, dream of things working better and not just trying to get my pound of flesh in for having these people agitate me. This isn't about revenge; it's about the future.
We'll see.
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I have a cold? I used to get sick all the time, cold-wise. I haven't had a cold in a long time.
Being sick w/ a cold is a weird kind of pain. You feel gross and just want to do nothing.
I'm grateful it's a reminder of what my life used to be like. How far I've come; don't forget that.
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I checked in with Mom today, the first all week. She's busy and also doesn't call. It seems okay.
I asked about meeting this weekend to discuss finances. She said she appreciated all I was doing. That was a nice surprise. I keep expecting more paranoia around this, but so far it has just been thankfulness and gratitude. It made me feel like I am doing the right thing. It's not what would be a make or break as to whether I do it, but it sure helps w/ my stress around it all.