A week ahead. Several employees now have exited that played somewhat vital roles. We'll see how this all keeps playing out.
My role is diminishing so I can't step in and fix everything. I don't know who will or how Jay is going to handle all this.
I met with the guy we're going to consider using for sales that my colleague used. We'll see if this ends up being the answer or not.
I ran a few errands and worked some from home.
I feel used a lot, like the business whore, and I told Jay that again last night. I don’t know that he really gets it. He is trying to survive, and I don’t know how much he’s really growing. It's hard to grow or open up to new possibilities or ways of thinking/being when you feel under siege.
I don’t know how we’re going to do long-term. I haven’t given up but I told him I will move on. I will quit the business sometime this year most likely and try and find some other way to make money.
I am trying to read different books and also have some basic meditation practices each day that help me stay centered and grow. I feel so very crazy and messed up, but then I am also quite functional.
I wonder how many people are out there like that.
I realize all of us are a little crazy.
One book I read today talked about not letting anger drive the bus. It can be on the bus with you, but not driving the bus. I really liked that. That helped me a lot today.
I can’t deny how hard these things have been and this swirls around the topic of acceptance. I can’t change my childhood or parents. I can’t change the pain or the people. I can change my attitude toward it all and be grateful. How could I know what could have been a different or better life for me… to have different parents, born somewhere else. This is who I am and all of these things are woven into me. I can’t rip that out of me.
The best would be to accept and keep changing in ways these people and places weren’t expecting or thought even possible.
In other non-trauma news, I’ve also decided I’m a One on the Enneagram.
Over and out.