Major revelations this week.
I've been practicing new ways to get up in the morning. I've been doing the Cosmos work if you will, thinking first about my own health and then radiating out from there to responsibilities I have and then continuing out. It's helping me stay more focused, stay healthy and creating some clarity about my energy and workload. Things are sliding off that I'd like to do, but honestly don't have the bandwidth for.
In the past, I always felt pushed and pulled by random things that would be the most shiny of the day. I'd neglect getting certain things done that were critical, because I haven't had a good plan. This takes much more discipline, and it also means I can't do all I'd like to do.
Jay's sister stopped by randomly yesterday, and I was like, "Got this." We have friends who want to head out of town tomorrow to get away from the smoke and I'm like, "Can do that." Don't need to spend the weekend doing chores frantically. I wonder about the housewife stereotype, but then as many things that get politicized, the reality that we all have a home to take care almost becomes unspoken. It's like, if you decide to share chores, then that almost really means, you aren't doing any chores, because that'd be demeaning. No, I still do chores. I'm a woman. I fired my housecleaner. It feels awesome.
Doing that work does mean other things don't get done, but I'm okay with that.
I'm still working considerably on anxiety work and understanding that. I've been going back again through the Managing Anxiety pack in Headspace and gaining new insights there. There are clever ways we all maintain anxiety: ignoring it or pretending we're not anxious, over-focusing on anxiety and resisting it. They all are unhealthy ways to live and think.
Finally, trying to be more healthy with my body and being on a more consistent schedule with that. Exercise and stretching mainly. The smoke has made it challenging but that's finally clearing up.
The other major revelation I already talked about was realizing that my own psychic anxiety and angst comes from my lack of creative outlets and professional focus. I've kept looking at friends and thinking I needed more or different friends. I think different people will come into my life once I go into new spheres for school or work, but I've been really touched this week to see how wonderful our friends are and how consistent they are in our lives. I need to know what's next for me and need to make small progress each day on that front.
The garden and my morning routine continues to shape up with a big veggie/tofu scramble each morning and adding in a pancake this week. NUMMERS. It feels healthy and good for my body and the earth. No animals were hurt in the making of this breakfast!
Humor? When will I get that more back into my life.
Marriage? That's keeps slowly improving with good conversations especially last weekend's marathon session.
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Been working on some posts from 2017. About a year ago I was trying to get this blog up and running. I wasn't feeling super motivated or particularly hopeful about anything at all, but got it up eventually.
#nevergiveup
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Got a text from my step-sister tonight. She showed Mom the small signs I'd made to help her remember her shot schedule. She just said, "Nana loves the signs... thanks!" That's something I made a priority, it's easy for me to do, Mom's happy, my sis is happy. That's what I'm carving out time to do, and it's the right thing to do.