Here's our second annual Fourth of July celebrated in Canada. It's been a nice getaway for us, helps do something out of town and not just stick around the house. We aren't into a lot of things that are common about the holiday, so why not play in Canada? I got a bit nostalgic watching fireworks somewhere online. Maybe next year we'll stick around.
I think that's how I feel about a lot of holidays; they happen too frequently. Definitely Christmas and Thanksgiving. These could easily be biannual holidays in my book.
We hiked Red Mt. today, and all of it is what I love; outside, wildflowers, mountain views, friends, hubs, dogs.
I'm surprised the difference the muscle work is doing to my endurance. I guess if you have quite a few more muscles working, you can hike longer and harder. I didn't lag much and didn't collapse and take a nap all afternoon. John said it's like having a new life, and I agreed. It's like having a new life. How's that for a happy holiday? Quite happy.
I woke up to a nightmare about KT which was disturbing and sad. I thought I was past that stuff but I guess the psyche does that to us. Conclusion? Stay in touch w/ the kids, don't overcommunicate or pressure, give them distance, send love, be love, get love, don't advise, let them go, be less stressed yourself. So basically, be more healthy myself and also be myself. Let our family be our family however we want that to be.
I know I was sad when we left Seattle. I wish we saw them more. I wish it wasn't so much work to see them. Right now, we have to go over for a weekend or take time off. It's a trek. It'd be nice for it to be just a quick drive away. Maybe someday.
I thought about how isolated I've become and how it'd be nice to be back with a group of some kind. Maybe a job? More money would be nice. I have no idea what that would look like right now and how that'd impact the writing or other ideas. Isolation though hasn't been good, though have needed time to heal.
The ego. That's what really hit me yesterday when I switched from being grumpy and picky to being happy and focusing on the good. How to really kill the ego or at least have it be in a healthy place. I sense my ego has been running my life. Time to end that. I think that's something to work on for a long time. A lifetime.
I felt anxious this evening. I think I overate and I don't know, just got anxious. I had to work to not feel haunted by family stuff today. It was much better when I got down from hiking.
I don't know what the future holds. I hope to find creative ways to stay close to the fam. I need to keep reaching out to Mom and others. I need to live my life with the ego in check so it's the real life I will be happy and intrigued to lead.
I've been blessed. That's the truth. I can feel grateful for it all.
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Jay found a management book he likes. He felt he was learning stuff while reading it today. If I'd been the nag could have been yesterday, that could have ruined our time together as well as maybe any interest he has in genuine learning. Yeah, that's another story to share and a story of God working instead of my ego.
This should speak to my fears about KT as well. I can take my hands off any control panel and just pray, be myself, be present, be careful what I say, live a complete life of my own.
*****
Finally, speaking with the owner of the place we're staying, he rarely has days off but says he should be working hard because he's young. He says his mortgage will be paid off in two years then he'll have more flexibility.
That's an incredibly practical approach. He just knows what he has to do. It would do well for me to adopt more of that attitude. I have struggled with this business, so have just wanted to get away from it. Jay continues to learn and grow, and we continue to hang in there, hopefully starting to grow.
I can't believe how much i've gained in the last 36 hours. Better, more grateful spirit toward life. Time to heal outdoors. Relaxed, less tense time with Jay. Realizing being an HSP, if i'm not careful i could end up alone. Learning about the ego. Seeing good people in action in a beautiful place. All good!