Today, we had the full board meeting.
I sat through hours of trying to once again understand how this organization functions the way it does and why.
I keep asking questions and when I don't get the answers I want, I ask more questions behind those questions.
When I don't trust myself, I need to remember that my instincts are good. I've had so many uncomfortable feelings about how this organization works and operates. Today, I was unable to uncover yet more things that are disturbing and not right.
I shut down to some degree in the early afternoon. The President's responses were so disturbing and shocking, I simply had nothing else to say. I opened my laptop and rudely started working on other things while trying to maintain some semblance of still being present.
Quality demands attention and hard work. Quality doesn't happen easily or overnight. Quality requires integrity and focus. i don't see many of those things here. I see interest. I see passion. I see care and concern. I also see a refusal to do the truly hard work that no one wants to do, the work that if it's not done, the organization will not scale or possibly even survive.
I'm not the person to help get there. I've tried in every way possible to shed light on the things that need to change for anything better to occur. No one is interested, and I certainly am not.
What happens when a decent person starts an organization that his ego loves? You have an organization that serves one person well, does some decent work in the world and can cause a lot of problems. That's common. That's a common profile of an organization, a relationship, an anything. It's not what I'm about. It's just not what I'm about.
This could be my last board meeting for this organization. I fortunately have to miss the summer meeting due to another obligation. We'll see what happens this fall.
Fortunately as before, we get to spend time with our friends and enjoy the beauty of their lives, their homes, this beautiful country. We fly home tomorrow, and I'll miss all that but not the meetings.