Driving home yesterday, Jay said he's not used to having all these feelings. He feels a bit overwhelmed by it all. He met with his half-brother for breakfast. RC has cancer. His daughter just got married. Alot. He's adjusting, but stuff like this takes time #mylife
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Coming home to the house, I realized how much I've gotten done in the last two weeks as I've unburied from the wedding. Not only have I dealt with a lot of what we had laying around, I've made headway on other projects not related to the wedding, specifically art on the walls, the garden and sorting stuff. The house is starting to feel a lot lighter. This seems significant.
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I was coming back from the park today with the pupper and walked by a neighbor that isn't particularly friendly. Today he had headphones in and was mowing the lawn, a common eff-off posture I see from people that just don't want to engage real people in anyway at all, not even a hello.
I walked by and waved like I always do, and he ignored me. Then something amazing happened.
Nothing.
I didn't feel or think anything about our exchange. The only thought that went through my mind was, "Some people are friendlier than others."
That was it. No anger toward him for not being friendlier. Also, not feeling crappy about myself for the gentle rebuff. It didn't affect me at all in anyway at all, either thinking or feeling.
In meditation and prayer today, I felt connected to nature and my surroundings, my body and breath. It helped calm me down as I started the day. I can tell my life energy is stronger, that I'm doing better, that I'm happier on a more regular basis for no real reason, including today.
None of that was impacted or swayed as I walked by him. In fact, it reminds me of how little of people's reactions are about us.
This seems like a small event, but for me, this is such an amazing example of how much healthier I am due to all these various interventions and changes. It hasn't happened all at once, and it's been years of work, but I can tell it's starting to pay off.
It was worth having a grumpy neighbor just to realize just what is happening as I change, and that the responses now are reflective, not something I have to work on.
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Jay is stressed about getting our marketing going, successful, and up and running. I'm trying to support that effort loosely and from afar. I'm in a few meetings here and there as a voice, but primarily just trying to be calm at home and keep things steady. It's a crucial juncture in our ability to scale, so I'm trying not to get sucked back in but also be supportive as it will all really pay off if this goes well.
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I picked a magazine up at the store the other day. I rarely make purchases like that anymore, really random and more than a few dollars.
It looked to be a spiritual publication with potentially some interesting content. I wish I hadn't. It reminded me of a Christian women's magazine I used to read years ago. I can't say much as I probably don't have the maturity to talk about things that trigger me without alienating someone that approaches life differently than I do.
Once again, nothing "wrong", just a publication infused with sacrarine sweetness, soft pastel colors, Bible verses and admonitions of how to live right. It followed a formula, and I guess it sells. I bought it, but wouldn't buy it again.
Stories I read and am interested in, just plain content and simple styling is fine, thanks. My life feels far away from lacy tablecloths and biscotti recipes. I have dirt under my nails, use power tools and while I still like my makeup, I want to live life on the edge of it all, not trying to follow someone else's plan for my life or everyone's life.