Existential angst post-wedding continues but is identified=success.
Trying to use my little toolkit to get things back on track. Making headway towards more stability, less clutter, fewer linens.
Realized that if you don't use linens you've been storing for 30 years on a wedding, it's time to part ways. Feeling good to see empty spaces, drawers, cupboards. How strange that would seem to my grandmothers who went through the Depression. We are strange creatures, humans.
Accepting people as they are continues to be a huge lesson to learn. Adaptive skills: good takeaway from therapy this week. We all have them, and we all use them, often not in healthy ways.
*****
Weekend in Seattle with kids, in-laws, friends, half-siblings newly discovered.
Kids need parents to be helpful and present, not too nosy, fun, easy to be around. I drift to being too serious way too much. Waaaay too much. Jay and I haven't been good for each other in this area.
I had to hand over some important documents to KT: birth certificate, SS card. I didn't tell her what to do with them, how to store them, how to be careful. Getting better at letting go, letting people have their own journeys and lives. I wish I hadn't overstepped at times over all these years. It would have been good advice to give. Maybe someday, I'll be better. Slow going right now.
Arriving home, I was focused on setting the sprinkler in our backyard. I heard neighbors but didn't look. Finally after I was done, I looked up. They'd been waving at me for like five minutes they said. They started laughing. Someone tossed a frisbee at me.
I've thought about writing about building community, how to do it, how not to, some suggestions, etc. and so many people just do it. Here it was, literally staring me in my face and I was oblivious. Why do I overthink things? I'm not sure what this means for my ideas for writing. Am I too neurotic to write or talk about these things? What should I ever do with all my thoughts when sometimes I get it right, sometimes I just should shut up and watch others? I feel this was sort of important in this whole process.
Overall, we're getting so uptight as a society, so specific about how things need to be in order to be (fill in the blank... happy, comfortable, maximized, etc.) I'd love to tell stories about my own life, but I guess stories like this also need to be told too, like, wow, I have a lot to learn.
Highlights:
- Staying focused on cleaning and sorting, not giving up
- Huge headway on house stuff
- Therapy
- Being outside
Next week:
- Keep working on writing and life design projects/ideas
- Finalize new office space furniture decisions
- Write
The Palouse