My Mom is declining rapidly. She had a panic attack that landed her in the ER two weeks ago. She was angry about it, frustrated that she had one. She said she's determined this won't happen again.
Today I called her to remind her of an appointment tomorrow. She was crying when I called. She said all kinds of things about my mother-in-law that are untrue. She said she's sad we haven't been closer all these years. It was pretty crazy. She's starting to hallucinate and paranoia is getting worse. I'm afraid she needs to get out of that place sooner than later.
God, I'm having to deal with this while KT is getting married in a few months. I can't believe the timing. I can tell this is going to take over my life for a while. Sigh. God, God, God. I will need help. I will need strength in myself to not get discouraged and angry. I'll need help from you and all the angels of heaven, from nature, from friends.
Some suggestions for daily reflections from a young friend who is wise beyond her years:
A daily mindfulness practice - something like viewing through abundance or maybe tracking my feelings without judgment
Energy, Mood, Pain (symptoms), and Sleep: Low-energy this morning while working out again; okay mood, not horrible, not great, worse as the day went on; pain relief as day went on, good sleep last night aside from hip hurting
Any notable events like big conversations, purchases, or events. Big discussion with Mom, crying about our relationship and something about all of this. She has a bladder infection. She's depressed and not doing well. I feel really stressed about it all.
The weather; awful, cold and rainy, better this eve
Any treatments or exercise: great visit to the chiropractor; she said my muscles in my pelvis aren't firing after my injury years ago. it's crazy to think this might help.
Medicines and any changes to them;
A food log; okay food, big lunch at work, salad at dinner, Doritos at Th Th... ugh.
A gratitude list; hard today w/ parents and step-situation; triggering probably even. Grateful? Had a long talk w/ Ellie; John was supportive; things at work seem better for him; amazingly hopeful chiro visit regarding pelvic pain. I am so grateful. Also, a coworker showed photos from his trip to India. Wow. I would not want to live there. Sometimes I forget what blessings I have here in terms of ease and comfort.
A small journal entry and motivational letter to myself about the day and what I can maybe reflect on for tomorrow. This was a rough day with hopeful parts in it everywhere. I forget how easy it is for us to eat. We eat out at Hucks almost every night. My Mom is eating corn dogs. I need to take some food tomorrow to them. We need some help. We can figure this out. We have resources. These are good people. Remember: alot of where they are is due to choices they made.