Within the past two months, things are changing somewhat rapidly. It's like you do everything you need to do to make a loaf of bread - buy ingredients, mix them, do all the rising and kneading, get it in the oven and then wala! a loaf of bread. It's seems then like it's always been there, sitting on your counter, but what work it took.
I've have several consistent issues over the last few years regarding this state I've been in. One of the worst things to deal with has been my memory. I've struggled to keep my memory working well. I've never completely forgetten this many things. That seems particularly problem seems to be diminishing. I think. Hahaha.
I'm back home now from our trip, getting back into the swing of things. My brain is shifting without question. Much of it is related to all my work; some is definitely what's happening to John.
*****
I definitely have sensory issues and this trip took me over some edge. I've been on four trips in four months. This last one had very little down time which is what I was expecting. I came home depleted and in some kind of emotional or sensory danger zone.
In fact, after doing the basic morning chores, I just crawled back into bed and stared at the walls for about an hour. I didn't do anything else. I rubbed my legs in the soft sheets, stroked the bedding, looked around the room, smelled the smells, looked at the light coming in. It felt like I needed to calm my system down more than anything else today.
No, I don't feel weird. I know I'm a Highly-Sensitive Person and I just accept it, try to make adjustments without being fussy and live a full life. That usually works, and sometimes, it doesn't. I'll recover and am recovering. This isn't cancer.
*****
I've been reading Mary Oliver poems, specifically out of her book Dream Work that I received from my aunt's estate after she passed. I've been mulling over the first poem, Dogfish. It talks about the beauty of life but also the need to accept responsibility. Don't wait for someone to save you. I love the ending:
"And look! look! look! I think those little fish
better wake up and dash themselves away
from the hopeless future that is
bulging toward them.
And probably
if they don't waste time
looking for an easier world,
they can do it."
This is much of what I'm learning. Enjoy, look, be present, but take care of yourself. Now.