I've discovered lately that my reluctance to be vulnerable with friends relates to being a trauma survivor. Letting my guard down and being more vulnerable presents challenges. I wish it wasn't true, but there it is, in the list of symptoms.
My brain tells me to not be so trusting; we need to stay safe. My life tells me I need more support and that means really talking with people. In fact, one friend recently pointed out she often asks me for support, but I never share with her. Bingo.
I find helping an emotionally and physically unhealthy parent to be extremely triggering and challenging. Even writing this, it's obvious this is and will continue to be hard. I've needed to reach out and share that with people, to get input and ideas, to just not be alone.
This is a foundational concept in recovery, one that I thought I had covered, because I see a therapist every week. Hahahaaa! I'm so clever with my loopholes. Sneaky even.
So yeah, just talking for an hour with someone other than the hubs made all the difference and gave a fresh perspective on a trying situation. I honestly think most of the benefit of reaching out to pepole is just the feeling of connection. You're not alone, it'll be okay, hope is there. There is something about being connected to people and sharing life, we as humans need that.
Next time, I'll reach out quicker, sooner, with more openness. Never too late to start a good thing.
