Humbling.
Seeing the need for and making changes.
It's humbling.
Adding routines and healthier habits into my life has brought a couple conflicting feeilngs.
1. Gratefulness that I'm stabilizing AND starting to thrive. I don't know that I could be thinking about doing more than survive without my Mental Health All-Stars.
2. Grumpy and a little overwhelmed to make so many changes. Not only am I recovering, I feel I'm also evaluating our culture and what I want to opt out of (most).
It's been a couple of weeks of intense changes around how I live my daily life and also how I think. I'm tired this weekend, but glad for the process.
I'm also now back in Cali where I love to be. The sun and friends always is a boost, one of the pieces of good health.
I can't think my way out of all this and what an incredibly awful, boring and isolated life that would be if I just got healthy in my head and stayed there. I don't know that that's possible, at least not for me.
Tomorrow I go to a two-day workshop on communication, as in, how to be a better communicator. I've never done something like this before for myself and my own career pursuits. I'm mostly excited.
Encinitas, CA
CHANGES/REFLECTIONS:
- Therapy is tiring, but necessary
- I'm changing and stepping up to the behaviors and attitudes that just need to change after all these years
- Therapy can only take you so far. You have a lot of agency in how healthy you end up becoming. Especially with trauma, once that's cleared out of your body, what then? It doesn't make you healthy; it just means you're no longer traumatized.