Back home where it's cold and icy.
I'm flipping through photos and remembering the beach, the air, and the people.
I'm stretching my wings. Things are changing.
As we work our way through the issues in therapy, things are being resolved. Things that have haunted me for decades are resolving.
That's leaving me in a curious place of unfamiliarity with even myself. I don't have as much anxiety, so now what? I'm not angry, so now what?
We are making progress, I'm making progress. I'm sensing I'm in new territory, however. I think this is going to take some adjusting to this new normal and examining myself and what I want to be like and emphasize with so much time now freed up from not being hypervigilant.
I can tell this will be trial and error. I can tell I'll have to make some changes in my attitudes and behavior that don't have anything to do with therapy; it just has to do with being human. I can tell there is significant work ahead.
It does feel like this new year is truly a new year. It has felt like the last three years have been one, fuzzy blur with slight gradients of gray, but not many colors. 2017 was slightly better than 2016, but actually no, not much.
To be seeing some actual change and shifting occurring, possibly happiness and health, some definition and emotions, I'm ready to thrive, not just survive.