I met by phone w/ Kay yesterday thankfully.
I’ve thought quite a bit today about our conversation. It was extremely helpful in continuing to further understand how I react to things, especially when my PTSD is triggered like this week.
The work at the new office feels in some ways like it’s just beginning. I’ve tried to just sit back and do some curious observer, remembering some of what Kay said yesterday. She talked about how when you’re triggered, it’s good to do some things that are active and keep your body busy as long as you can process a bit. Sometimes, you can’t process at all and that’s okay too.
I tried to stay busy and just not get too down. It was weird to sort of observe what I do, what I’ve been doing for decades. It’s sadly unproductive in terms of an ordered life. You end up with the messes everywhere, stuff started and not finished, no exercise, sort of lurching from one thing to another, hoping to find a little burst of happiness in what you pick next.
It’s very basal, very human but an evolutionary level. Pretty reactive until you can calm down and think a little. But then if you’re triggered all the time, you never really move out of that state. It makes more sense why I haven’t been able to get things really done in a more sustained way throughout my life.