Went and saw Howl’s Moving Castle tonight at the Garland. Took the nieces. That was cool as I don’t get to see them much. Would love to see them more. Sad part of life.
I am more open to wondering what I did to make that relationship not work as families together. I was pretty intense and overbearing for years there about intentional family, etc. I’m might have made myself sick.
For someone like my niece’s mom, I was not her jam. She’s an angry woman for some reason and just has made it clear she wants nothing to do with our family. It’s been beyond hurtful.
I tried for years to reconcile, but she said she just doesn’t like our family.
In the last few years, I come to admire that she doesn’t take any shit, and she hasn’t wasted her life on doing things or being with people she didn’t want to, that’s for sure. I’ve done the opposite I don’t know. It’s been really hurtful. I wish she could have made an effort to be kind, at least. It’s complicated.
She forced my brother to buy the girls gifts, something I never really did until lately. Jay doesn’t buy gifts really so I have done it for his sister and Mom. The girls know that any gift they got from their uncle, it was from him, not his wife buying for the family.
I admire that, like I said. I wish there had been more kindness and less hatred. It wasn’t unclear; she really dislikes us and has done and said mean things. I just stay away anymore. I didn’t even send a bday card this year. I guess I have just accepted how things are.
So, what can I do today about how I’ve maybe hurt people with my One-ness in the past? Definitely be less intense, less advice-giving, less judgmental. For years, we sure thought we knew alot about a lot of things. It’s easy to build a small world then judge people based on that.
The movie was a ton of fun, and instead of being sad for all the time we haven’t gotten, I just tried to be thankful for what we’ve had together and the many good things in my life. There’s more to come.
It’s a better place for my head and heart to rest.
Amen.