Frustrated this am over something Jay said.
Went on a run and meditated beforehand.
Lesson 6 of Week 2 in Managing Anxiety on Headspace. I’ve done this pack twice before but learn something new each time.
This one focused on how each thought is a new thought.
Think about that.
For people with anxiety, this is a tremendously freeing concept.
It means you can choose to not be anxious or give non-anxious thinking a try any time.
This morning, I was frustrated with Jay and I just didn’t want to be frustrated anymore. I decided I was done being frustrated and was just going to move on with my day. I went running and changed my attitude.
I realized the person I am hurting the most by all of this is myself. Next, Jay and then kids, my friends, etc.
It was an empowering concept, the idea that you are choosing your thoughts each time. Your though might be similar to the one before, but you can choose to not keep thinking those thoughts. It blew my mind.
I’ve never considered this before. I’ve thought about the idea of being grateful and the verses that talk about being thankful, thinking on good things. But this is a new twist.
I pondered this in ways all day. It made me realize you really do have a choice, and I’ve really been choosing to view things negatively and like, this is the way I am. I can make a lot of very small choices that are different, all day long.
It felt transformative.
Last night, we went and made some traditional food w/ KT’s new in-laws. They invited us over, and it was really fun. I was impressed they’d managed to make chili as well as get ready for our traditional food-making.
It reminded of how much my Mom did and tried to do for us growing up. She really did love being a Mom. I remember making rosettes and doughnuts, cookies and different kinds of cuisine. She really tried a huge range of things and was very creative in the kitchen.
I wish so much her life hadn’t gone the direction it did. She loved games and was a lot of fun. She put up with too much stress for too long. Now, stress and dementia has taken over her life. I’ll have to keep working hard to remember how she used to be.
I”m glad for a house to stay in instead of a hotel or condo even. It’s very cozy and homey. Our friends have a lovely home here, beautiful. I don’t really want it I guess, but I’m hopeful we can improve our living situation some day. It’d be nice to have a little bit nicer things, but I don’t know. It also feels like an empty pursuit. The shopping really never ends. That’s what we do here in America. We shop, and then we replace the things we don’t like anymore and keep it all going. We keep the world turning and burning.
On that happy note, more positive athinking. More believing I can stop the anger and anxiety anytime. I can start to really change how I view the world and relationships, my future self and life, everything.
Day 6, Week 2, Managing Anxiety, Headspace.
Life-changing.