I had a decent day of chores, etc. while being sick yesterday then today, no energy.
I got bills done and that’s it. Took care of the puppers.
Since my sobriety from anxiety, I just have to accept it’s one of those days. I didn’t beat myself up. I didn’t feel shitty all day. I just tried to embrace it, do my best to be responsible and mainly, get feeling better. I binged on the Great British Baking Show and just was okay with it all.
We had dinner with some friends and talked about kids, life, etc. We’ve been friends with them for decades. Jay and my girlfriend have been friends since they were infants in a nursery at church together. We go way back.
We have our differences, but they are incredibly solid, amazing people and to have history like that with people, priceless. I’m very grateful. We’re all empty-nesters now and are thinking, hey, let’s do this every month! I think it’ll happen.
Stuff w/ Mom is not going super well. I mentioned I’d scheduled another time to meet w/ the bookkeeper and that set her off. She called early today and left a message, saying she didn’t want to meet today (it’s for next Monday).
I realized that I don’t think I need to have the bookkeeper go with me to their house anymore. I can just meet with her and pay her for her time and advice on how to navigate this. That is such a dramatic shift in my level of anxiety and depression in the past six months; it’s hard to even quantify.
The one time we all met together back in April, with the bookkeeper, I drove home sobbing, ranting to Jay on the phone half the way back. I ended up getting sick and that’s when Bee’s parents were going to stay with us all weekend.
I just don’t feel that way anymore. I’m much more stable and able to process emotions better. We’ve also now broached the topic of finances with the entire family and had our big family meeting in August. So it’s now out in the open, and I feel I can move ahead and discuss these things with everyone understanding why, what we need to do, etc.
I’ve had a lot to learn. I’ve been very uptight, anxious, scared, angry, exhausted. I don’t feel those things intensely like I used to.
In the lesson this am on HS regarding Managing Anxiety, it talked about how you’ll never get rid of anxiety. Being fearful or having anxiety at times is part of life. It’s not a goal to get rid of it. It’s how we deal with things when they do come up. I would say my overall anxiety is going down so it seems you can get rid of anxiety to some degree? I guess maybe it’s about the scale.
I’d probably also add to that an entire piece regarding how we choose to live our lives. Not all life paths produce the same level of anxiety. We can make daily choices that move us toward or away from anxiety. So that’s more of a proactive position; reducing anxiety before it starts. That’s always my game :)
So for being sick, alot going on.