I realized additional, important pieces of this experience.
- This is not a bad idea to do once a year, to evaluate who is in my life and why.
- This is also a good time to evaluate myself and what kind of person I have been to others.
- I decided to have a small ceremony to process each of these relationships. I sang a simple chanting song of remembrance for that person and why we at one time were connected. I sang thanks to God for that person and for our time shared. I released them and myself from the relationship. Adding motions to it all and my burning sage of course was wonderful.
- I sang a song of release for a friend who died three years ago and I've been unable to remove her name from my book. I finally did that and it was good to do.
- There was a song of lament mixed with joy for two young men who have not found their way. They move frequently and sending them anything by mail is almost impossible. I'm lucky to have their cell phones. I realized I needed to grieve for them and what we all used to have.
- I realized there are still people I am keeping in my life that present challenges of some kind in the relationship. It made me aware of just how many relationships I've had that have had that element: stress, tension, misalignment. The folks with some of that element, I feel the relationship is worth it on many levels and in some cases, I just know we are meant to stay connected. lt made me appreciate this season of winnowing down if only for my own sake.
- I have dramatically changed since I was in high school and college. I made quite a few friends during that time as you often do. Releasing people in some ways I think makes it easier for them as well. I have too many differences with too many people. It would be tiring to be my friend as well, and they also need to move on. I celebrated what season we were together. I realize that some people I won't' be in touch with were critical friends at important times. It felt wonderful to remember those times and to appreciate the excellent qualities in those people. It felt nourishing and integrating of my whole life. I do not see value in black/white thinking when it comes to friends and people.
- Things naturally seem to pass away. I have once thought if you were going to change the nature of a friendship, you should have a conversation. I don't feel that way anymore.
- As a One, I really was trying to maintain relationships with too many people for the wrong reasons. I also was trying to keep my husband's family connected, and that's not my responsibility. I realized relations with his own relatives if at all is now largely by phone and visits. We rarely send cards anymore and never sent them cards anyhow. So some people will actually still be in his life, but not in mine. That also felt separating and healthy.
- Finally, for each page, I said a prayer of thanks and welcoming for each person or family still in my book or have been added this year. I thought of the good times we have ahead and my motions were circles into myself, between myself and them. It was a blessing of the now and the future to come. It felt happy and deeply meaningful, to see the names of people that are in my life and how rich that feels.
- I have observed this before and want to draw a diagram someday of this phenomenon. That is, this expansion of when you're younger, married, and also may have children. Your circles expand somewhat naturally. Then as the years go by, your focus shifts from outward to inward, back to the family especially as your children become older. I see that happening in this exercise. My older children are taking a role of a relationship like that of an adult friend when they once were needing care. Those relationships take time and energry I once might have been able to give you many other friends. They also are life-giving.
I have much to ponder after my early morning ceremony. I feel at peace and quiet. The scent of sage is still in my hair and I can feel it in my mouth and on my fingers. Life feels full!
Blessings.