I have always loved stationary, cards, writing letters, addresses, address books, stamps, stickers. I like post offices. I like mailboxes. I like getting and sending mail. I like everything about analog paper communication.
I love my cell phone but still keep a paper snail mail address book. I get a new one every ten years or so. I have saved most of my old ones though with minimalism leaving no small senseless habit safe, they may get pitched someday as well.
I never know when I'll look at a book and decide it's time for a new one. I write in pencil and tend to just erase names and addresses, move things around.
I realized with all the life changes the past three years, it was time. I realized I had so many names to erase or move, I considered buying a new one. They aren't as cool as this one though.
So I just did a lot of erasing.
I tried to be more aware of my feelings as I went through the exercise. Where in my body did I feel emotion and what kind of emotions were they?
Pain winnows down the world. In my case, it has been freeing to invest more deeply in relationships that are standing the test of time. It has been freeing to also have fewer relationships to maintain and manage.
I'm more interested in time spent on my own interests, on close friends, on my adult children, on aging parents and relatives and meeting new people as I develop different interests.
Some observations:
- I maintained some relationships out of obligation for some past event, relationship or connection.
- I maintained some relationships in hopes they would make me feel better about myself.
- I continued to stay in loose touch even until recently with one of my abuser's family. What better example is needed for how fucked up abuse makes your mind. "Hey abuser and family, here's your Christmas card."
- I realized many people I am no longer in touch with played a very valuable role at one time in my life but it was never meant to be long-term. I can release them and that relationship and feel a stronger sense of gratitude for that season and less obligation to create something that isn't meant to be there.
- I tried to maintain relationships that were for other people, like my husband. Those are his relationships and in many cases, he's stepping into that on his own.
- My kids were living at home when I bought this current book. They didn't have any other address. Their college and apartment addresses were added in on back pages. I changed that. That felt surprisingly soothing and made me happy. What beautiful people they are here in my book!
- People I don't contact any longer are good people. For some reason, our initial commonalities are not enough to keep our connection. I don't feel any anger. Yeah, I don't feel any anger toward people as I move on. I just really, really want to move on. If I'm angry, it's at myself for pondering this too long.
Life transitions take energy and some thoughtfulness. This feels like another slice of the pie, or piece of the puzzle, or feather in the basket, pick your analogy. At times, I love how multilayered and complex life can be. I love how these changes reflect richness and growth. It says to me how grateful I am for these strong, strong friendships that are only deepening. It makes me grateful for the freedom to make choices about my time, who I am with and who I want to spend time with. It makes me grateful to be able to continue to define what healthy people I have around me and what even "healthy" means to me now. I am grateful to no longer feel the need to have friends to define or enhance my sense of worth.