Today I had my first ever first with a real-live spiritual director, Sister Gee from the monastery south of here. We met in Pullman and she does visits for two days then goes back to the monastery. She's a traveling nun AND spiritual director. How badass is that?
She is small, gray-haired and feisty in the best possible way. She asked me quite a few questions and the conversation roamed around several topics. She spent decades as a trauma therapist while being a nun. I guess that's called "working out", as in, working outside the monastery. She lived in Tacoma and other places doing her work. She's now retired from therapy and focuses on spiritual direction and lives in the monastery.
She might be the first truly whole, integrated spiritual person I’ve ever met. And she’s a ‘she’. She was calm, wise, compassionate. She is well-versed in Scripture, in world religions, in true spirit life.
On multiple occasions, I felt a sense of relief as she shared from her own journey and her insight regarding what true Christian spirituality or spirituality of any kind looks like, what the fingerprints are, if you will. In addition to the mental stress over the years, I've felt crippled by the feeling of isolation and aloneness with my non-traditional thoughts and feelings.
She told me I was on a path that many are also on and to not feel alone. Not feel alone? To come out of this not feeling alone would be a wonderful bonus.
I feel like I've found someone that could be a true guide. Someone I could trust.
Someone I could trust.
I do not know where this journey is taking me. I'm scared, but after today, I feel hopeful. I don't feel elated. I don't feel deflated. I feel like I will come again next month, and that feels like enough for now, for my brain that wants and likes hard and fast answers and timelines for everything. Certainty.
We will go with the fact that I now know a spiritual guide I can trust, that believes I'm on the right path, that I have work to do, but I will get there, wherever there is.
To my brain I say, This is enough. And on we go.