I have loved traditions. I have created traditions. I have tried to backfill my life with repeating, meaningful events.
It is fairly well-established that humans need traditions and rhythms for healthy flourishing. However, in my case, I think subconsciously I've been trying to create some kind of rhythm and meaning to my life in the absence of being deeply happy and secure. So taking a good idea and pushing it beyond it's usefulness.
Now I'm reexaming almost everything we do around the holidays and I'm sensing strong anxiety overtones. Some things I can tell we'll be keeping: Christmas Eve caroling at the park, stockings, flowers for my parents, Advent readings, my tiny creche set from Germany.
Things I'm surprised by: the Christmas tree is still on the back porch in water. I don't have some gifts purchased yet (and I don't care). I don't have a menu planned for meals. We don't have lights in the windows. No Christmas towels out. I've listened to almost no Christmas music.
In short, it feels like a little bit nicer time of year for reflecting, but much of the trappings of the holidays are just not present in my life. I feel like I'm just happier overall? So I don't need it ALL MONTH LONG? What a revelation.
I'm still trying to figure out what is bringing on the changes, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with my improved mental health. And I like it. I like it alot.