What you resist, persists
I have no idea where I got that. I vaguely remember writing it down but now it’s gone. Oh yeah, Roxanne who I see for stomach stuff. She also said I have good energy and am sensitive. Cool.
That’s a good reminder as I’m trying to accept what is in my life right now esp w/ Jay’s bio mom. It’s not easy and I’m ready for easy when it comes to people and relationships. I know that what my hardships are compared to say someone in a primitive, repressed country is absolutely nothing. People, especially women, exposed to repressive regimes and religious systems; I can’t even imagine. I am so fortunate.
I’m doing some year-in-review type stuff which in general seems like a good idea if you’re hoping to get somewhere w/ your life in whatever way that is.
Last year, I really saw some positives and negatives in my life more clearly. I guess self-discovery is probably always an overall goal of mine and saw some stuff.
Bad stuff first: I really saw how negative I am when there isn’t really a need to be negative. I just find something to be negative about. There are a lot of warnings about being this kind of person and being around these kinds of people. What will it take for me to find the positive and focus on that? I guess gratitude as a way of life is a big one. Also fear. I am tired of being afraid. I think I’m giving that up. Fear and anger go together like buds that lead you down an unhappy road.
Good stuff: I really made huge strides in my health this year, physically especially. I ended last year having a lot of stress that affected me mentally and physically. I also had to deal w/ all the scar tissue that became an issue.
And more randomness as I wrap up going through my Daytimer from last year, this from my time in SF last spring visiting the Monet exhibit:
Saw a Monet exhibit at the DeYoung in SF in March 2019.
What impressed me most is that he was painting into his 80's and only had to quit due to losing his eyesight
He discovered water lilies to paint by accident when he planted them in his pond
After painting them, he became obsessed and painted almost nothing else
He also got more expansive in his painting as he aged
Expert gardener
Meticulous
He went through a series of colors and palettes then would change again
Also went through series where he'd paint something for a long time then change
His series would go through various stages like the seasons or just the change of light in a single day
His focal point was sometimes off-center
His water lilies paintings were all just called water lilies
I identify with a lot of his quirks. They feel like they are mine.
I want to remember Monet and his eccentricities and his vision and passion and talent. I especially love that he would get obsessed with something for a while, paint and paint and paint, then move on, either with new subjects, a new way to paint the same thing, new color palettes, etc. I just love that he dove in and did things thoroughly and intensely and then abruptly would move on.
Finally, this on the bottom of a Daytimer page:
I sing because love is near and anger holds the hand of fear.
I hope I wrote that, but I don’t know who to give it credit to if I didn’t.
It sure indeed is true.