I’ve lost my interest and desire in blaming.
It’s left a big gap in what the rationale for my life is.
Think about that.
Trauma makes everything unsafe, even yourself. It’s easier to blame others when they hurt you so much anyhow.
Jay was heading home today from three grueling days on the road. My mind started a slow hampster wheel of things to argue about: the new hire I had to fire, the hiring process,- I don’t know- the employee that’s leaving.
What an awful, awful trait to have, to blame others and deflect from things you need to do on your own.
So recovery for me is loving myself and also taking responsibility for what I’ve done myself and make the hard pivot to thankfulness and appreciation. It actually takes up space in your soul to do that. It’s hard to be appreciative as a way of life and being. It’s hard to squeeze the negative in.
“Embrace the suck” is the great phrase my massage therapist came up with. It’s going to suck whatever it is so embrace it instead of just fighting it. This completely fits w/ the energy of last week which clearly was oppositional energy gets you literally nowhere.
Appreciate and embrace whatever the day brings. You might connect more to your real self in the midst.