Hopefully had the opportunity to look at this Look at this tendency to fuel these negative emotions with our own thoughts. It’s amazing we do it to ourselves, but we do.
Sure, sometimes we can change the things that stimulate stress in our life around us. But very often, there are things that are out of our control, so the only thing we can change is the way that how relate to them in our mind. We do that by changing our perspective.
We have a choice. We can either carry things around with us - life feels very heavy and we feel a sense of injustice or indignation, we’re getting stressed about it. - or we can say, I really can’t do anything about that, so I’m going to find a way to let go of that so I don’t have to experience for any longer than I have to.
By doing that, by framing it in that way, we start to, over time, have a very different relationship with stressful or difficult situations in our life.
Headspace, Letting Go of Stress, Level 2, Session 2
My pelvic pain is diminishing slowly and I’ve made another appointment so see yet another pelvic pain specialist, this time a physician. I have a new medication I’m trying and things in general seem more manageable “down there.” I have an army of things I’m doing and taking, but I don’t honestly care. It hasn’t gotten me anywhere at all to be angry when things don’t go my way, other than it helped me maintain that what I was experiencing wasn’t normal and I refused to go along with the protocol that was assigned to me by birth, experiences, marriage, etc.
The need for anger is over. The need for constant vigilance has expired. Like Jay’s therapist said, “You thank your brain for helping you up until now. You can now take over, because you’re an adult and you can take it from here. You have car keys.”
The meditations on letting go of stress reinforce that as well as time w/ Kay and all the reading and studying I’ve done years over on the life of the Christ. What is the Kingdom of God? Oh, now I get. Someone is watching the birds and the earth, so why am I worried? The entire Sermon on the Mount. Is there Something in me guiding me, in everything, around everything? Will I continue to find help as I seek for it?
I read an article today on magnetoreception, the idea that it isn’t an organ in our bodies that provides this freakish ability to navigate; it’s chemicals, organisms, life, that is aligning with the life energies of our planet. That gives me goosebumps, and fills me with such amazing hope. We are inherently beautiful and connected to all that’s around us, our home(s).
Why did I leave church? This was never discussed. It’s like not acknowledding we’re all having or wanting to have sex which is actually how it is :/ These things are who we are, our bodies, our spirits, our minds. We can’t ignore these elemental properties and only tell stories with sports analogies.
So today, I’m sitting outside thinking, smoking and writing, recovering, wondering how to set up my Free, Fee and Barter garden station.
I realized I can’t really have people come down the driveway as that’s sort of a invasion a bit of the space back here and our neighbors may not be crazy about that. So I need to build something that can go out front that is decently attractive and will let people come into our space somehow. A secure place for money and a shelf for people to leave their bartered items.
I can’t wait.
I have been thinking a lot about Jay’s bio mom and the fallout. Jay is completely spent and exhausted. I cancelled something this evening with a friend just so we can have a relaxed evening and he can do a bike ride.
I shared with him notes from my discussion with Kay yesterday. I think we are mostly on the same page. I want to not move toward complete negativity, but just put some distance between us and the events of the past two weeks and move on.
These meditations and reminders of higher values help me significantly when I’m stressed. When I’m stressed or feel threatened, I want to react and lash out.
What I need to do is calm down which takes time. I am not obligated to process this in a certain amount of time. Time helps me remember that our trip to Hawaii was mostly positive. I felt some sense of the turf wars there that would come here later, but not much. I can look back and be happy thinking of those times. I can choose that.
I can choose to decide how to handle all the pain and miscommunication that happened while she was here. There were some fun evenings with real laughter and transparency as well. I think in time I can communicate about that and hopefully help her see that. I don’t know. Right now, I don’t have the energy for that and don’t know when I will.
I feel free thinking of having time in the summer to have fun. I am enjoying considering renting a pontoon boat a few times and getting people on the water, together. I hope we can do some of those things this month and in August. I can’t wait.
In almost all years past, summer caught up to me before I could do anything. I was always behind. I never felt like I was enjoying each month for what was coming in the universe and on our planet. I was always in the middle of something else and the seasons have passed me by.
One of the most important things in my world right now is being embedded in the seasons and whatever comes each year, on schedule. I want to be part of that. The bamboo trellises I built are turning out to work really well for the tomatoes. I feel really proud of that. The veggies are growing and I’m eating from them. I’m hoping to share from that. I feel good about that.
These are things I want to do. I feel this deep, primal urge to be continuously be part of creation and all that is happening already in the earth and join that. I hope I can do that and also still make money some how in some way in addition to our company. I’m excited to get started on the photo project again once my pelvic stuff heals up.