Some thoughts on stress and recovery from Headspace:
Today we’re looking at the dynamics of why we get stressed in the first place. We tend to fuel emotions through our thinking.
You might get very angry about something, We chatter away to ourselves internally. almost fueling the anger. We use the anger to fuel the anger. so we feel more angry. We do the same things with anxiety … and sadness.
We almost do this to ourselves. We do it unconsciously; we don’t realize that it’s happening. We get so caught up in it, and it’s such a strong pattern. If we can learn how to see that happening and just step back, then immediately we step out of the loop. The thoughts no longer fuel the emotion so the emotion subsides.
Headspace, Letting Go of Stress, Session 1/Level 2
This is what I am experiencing this week. Aside from some lingering questions between Jay and I, the events of the week that took me completely out of a functional pattern have subsided.
We honored his birth mom and that’s over. We’ll never do something like that again. There will be some level of relationship between Jay and his mom, but the relationship with the rest of the family will most likely not move ahead.
She came out of the gate very, very strong. She overwhelmed us with her need for closeness and to make us our family. We all felt it. It was threatening and freaked all of us out.
It’s a tragedy and probably happens in most cases. How can these go well at all? It sent his bio dad and his wife into counseling last year, because we showed up.
I feel so much more sympathy for what they went through and how hard it must have been on his wife. I just feel a lot of empathy after all this and even a need to reach out.
*****
Tonight I’m sitting on our back porch facing south, toward the moon rising and Jupiter already high in the dark blue sky.
I feel content in such an evening, knowing Jay and the puppers are inside, with friends and family connected near and far.
Part of me realizes that contentment can be a trap toward a life of ease and disengagement. For me, it feels like an oasis in a life that has been too busy and too full of responsibility. I think it’s time for a season of reflection and relaxation.
The fly in the ointment continues to be my ongoing pelvic pain that has changed but not gone away. Some of the worst pain has gone, but a significant portion remains. I’m unable to use much pain medicine so am forced to hope that other methods such as stretching, the massage pillow, baths and herbal inflammatory herbs can help.
I see the PT again tomorrow and hope to have more answers and another small step forward.
I feel resilient this time around. My mind feels mostly strong, and I’m enduring the pain instead of crumbling. I am hopeful that continues. If the pain increases, I’ll grow more desperate and will have to revisit with my doctor regarding how to endure as other methods of pain relief and ultimately what is the source of all this can be resolved.
I’ve stopped setting large goals for myself this summer and am trying to relax and enjoy the garden, staying on top of our daily lives, responsiblities to my parents and staying as healthy as I can. I am trying to get a small amount of work done on my photographs and am doing considerable copy editing as well as partner correspondence for our company.
Writing that all out, it seems a full life. I feel grateful for the choices we’ve made and the fruit it’s bearing. I hope I can eliminate the pain and enjoy life a bit more. I don’t feel I can be much use to volunteering or doing things like that in the state I’m in. I’m thankful I can manage things and not be more of a burden to Jay for my care of other things than it already is.
We are recovering from the week last week of the bio mom visit and really communicating well. It gave us a chance to work through a really hard situation together, as well as bond over the priority of our marriage and nuclear and extended families here and in other places. It gave me a chance to practice setting boundaries and feeling safe in that, letting the emotions leave and not look back and be angry. I’m especially happy this allows me to be more present for my friends especially and kids as well. My mind isn’t blocked and locked down by anger and fear, something I’m realizing now was really happening regularly.
Onward.