Love isn’t a zero sum game.
- Jay Small
Should we tell Jay’s mother about all this? Should I feel guilty if we don’t? Am I being a bad daughter-in-law?
Our parents have presented us with new opportunities to be stressed in the last year with this revelation of biological parents being one of them.
We just spent a lovely week with these new relatives, biologically related to everyone but me, and I felt more relaxed and at home w/ them than at any time w/ my parents, probably ever.
EVER.
That’s a lot of minutes, hours, weeks and years spent trying to do the right thing by my parents when I didn’t get much back in return.
Maybe now is the time for us to enjoy people that we’re related to, aside from our kids and a few random ones here and there: Jay’s sister and mom, my aunt. It’s not that everyone is difficult although there are many who are. It’s just not a sense of closeness or who I really am being represented in these relationships.
I’d just come to accept that this is how life must be, that you don’t get to be close w/ relatives that much, especially ones you didn’t have much hand in creating. I’ve come to see how hard it is to be close after the efforts we’ve put into relationship w/ our girls.
Today we had a long breakfast at their house, and then spent several hours driving and walking around the Volcano National Park up near Kilauea. We saw through the fog and cloud forests the large caldera and craters. I’m amazed at how much both of Jay’s parents here know about Hawaii and science and current events in general. It’s amazingly refreshing after years of listening to Trump and Fox News updates.
I feel relaxed here, like I’m finding my people and places. I think of my friends who’ve shown me a lot of these things in smaller doses.
I’m coming out of my shell and finding life again.
It’s an abundance mentality, and I’m grateful. I’m still amazed at all that’s happened and is happening.