I’m tired and going to bed w/ a jumble of thoughts.
I have had the best week pain-wise that I’ve had in a very long time. My hips are stabilizing, and I’m finding ways to be healthy. It feels like a miracle.
Now for harder work.
Jay and I had an argument I guess you will regarding his need to borrow more money for our business. I jumped to defend any suggestion we borrow from his mom. I didn’t check in with his needs first. I got triggered and defensive.
We came home and he said it was a bad conversation for him. I apologized.
The muscles where the reactions would be for this situation seem absent. I seem unable to fully handle some situations such as these. I lack empathy in some ways I guess. I don’t fully know why. I get defended and scared and react. He says he doesn’t feel supported and that’s probably true on some level. On some level, it’s not. It’s like the kind of support you do that’s not real public and not visible and not in huge quantities.
So this will be something to consider and build into my spiritual development program of expansion and stretching.
Last night we heard Drew Lynch and he was indeed incredibly funny. I had an amazing yoga session where we did circle yoga, resting on each other in a circle to do poses. We also did a sound bath. It felt pretty amazing in terms of a connection with myself and my body. It would be easy to do these things and not have them really make a difference in how you treat people however.
*****
It’s hard that Jay works all the time. I think he likes alot of it but alot he doesn’t. He is stressed about money and sales. He’s concerned about his dev team. It’s all about work for him, and thinking. He loves to think and create and he’s very, very good at it.
Weekends can be challenging for me as I have to plan anything social we do still. Jay likes to travel and then when we’re home, it’s his work and weekend routine. It’s very routine driven.
Ideally, it’d be nice that he’d have the energy to plan other things and be interested in things locally. I sometimes feel frozen here in Spokane that way. It’s very strange. I guess it’s just up to me.