I’ve seen PT, massage and acupuncture this week.
The back of my right leg really hurts, from the side of the knee area and below all the way up into my butt as well as the IT band.
I feel physically better than I have in a very long time. Even w/ this pain, I feel that it might be something that will resolve in time. PT and acupuncture feel it is related to my hips loosening up and realigning. If my right leg is loosening and getting longer as a result, I am imagining some pulling and stretching and unhappy joints and muscle attachment points.
Aside from that, I’m avoiding the parents and relatives. I’m doing the photo class and focusing on the next project and what that could be. I’m thinking about poetry and my writing projects. We’re having sex more. I’m relaxing. I’m not looking for problems or volunteering to help a lot of people on things as my time frees up.
We met last night w/ some old friends. We all went to church together and were leaders together for almost twenty years. That’s a long time. We did a lot together and I think accomplished some good things. I learned a lot.
But like many things, the season had to shift. We ended up leaving the church a few years after the pastor, our friend, left. He wanted us to go w/ him; we did not. Not only did we not go with him, we left church pretty much as it had existed for us completely.
I’m grateful we’ve maintained friendship after all these years; it feels like some kind of mark of maturity. It wasn’t easy and we worked at it.
I guess I bring that up to say that things change, we’ve changed, I’ve changed and I’ve pursued change and healing. The places and ways I’m finding it keep opening up and unfolding. It feels like the way church is, it isn’t particularly set up for that kind of raw unfolding that can happen.
My heart feels so full today.
It feels full with hope for the future, for my future. I feel open and expanding w/ artistic possibilities. I felt very rejuvenated from the trip to Hawaii, artistically, naturally, culturally, community-wise, people and family connections. There was something about John’s bio mom and her spouse that opened me up to myself more and made me excited to learn and expand.
It feels like even that relationship fits in better w/ who I am and what I’m trying to do.
My parents aren’t happy. I haven’t talked with them this week.
I wonder what aging will be like for me. I’m glad they have the independence of their apartment and are not in a room only. There wasn’t anything else we could do w/ mom at this point. It seems it’s working okay with her. Her husband isn’t too happy.
I’m tired. I’m tired from it all. But I’m feeling happy and I’m pursuing things that I enjoy.
I think often about social and spiritual issues. Right now, the debate is raging about abortion due to restrictive abortion laws being passed. The parties in our country as so very extreme right now. Dems want abortion anywhere anytime without restrictions. They are allowing the far left to control the messaging which turns off moderate voters like myself. The right, well, we know what’s happening there. They’re taking a wrecking ball to the country.
I’m married to someone, the father of my children, could have been aborted if he’d been conceived after Roe vs. Wade. He’s struggled his whole life w/ feeling different and struggling with his identity, but I’m pretty sure he’s happy he’s alive. I know I sure am. Never met anyone else like him.
Tired and going to bed. Have routines now and trying to stick to them.
Lastly, I don’t feel guilty for being happy. I’m slowly working that out of my system as well. People around me aren’t as happy as I am. At times, people around me have been happier than me. We try and help each other out and be there for each other as best we can. I’ve had to start listening to my true self that isn’t willing to extend myself indefinitely to help others. I don’t know if that’s healthy or not, but it’s what seems best for my ongoing mental health.
This is also Mental Health Awareness Month which makes me truly happy. I feel advocacy on this issue is really making a difference. I hope ot do some posting about it.
People have mentioned that my slogans have meant a lot to them, the five I’ve used for this crazy family situation: I didn’t create the mess; I can fix and help, but not save; no villains; don’t take it personally; save the outrage.
I am going to include that in my mental health awareness post.