I feel really well today. I wish I knew why.
I feel relaxed and happy and centered. I don’t feel depressed.
I had breakfast with friends and then went for a swim. Then we hung out at the house some w/ our friend then I worked on my photos.
The house is sort of clean.
I feel I’m making headway on what my overall approach is going to be w/ our parents in terms of my participation w/ the move and ongoing involvement. I had an absolutely horrible week coming off of other horrible events and weeks. I continue to make myself sick and then got extra sick w/ this reaction to Prozac making me more anxious.
I don’t have the energy to keep talking about this and fighting it and being angry and outraged. It is what it is and I can’t do much more about how things go. Most of the emotional and physical care mom gets once she moves will be from staff and her husband. I’ve done all I can do to make things more stable and achievable for her stability. I’m up against a wall w/ other people not seeing things how I see them. It’s going to be less desirable.
And I have to live w/ that and also live with the reality that I can’t handle all the tension and stress. I can’t be out there if my parents are going to be there. I can help out at the property. That’s about it. I’ll have to deal w/ contracts and such the next few weeks but no one seems to be making headway on all of that either from what I can tell. My step-sister didn’t get back to my brother regarding finances which continue to be a big mystery. It is what it is.
But I’ve learned a lot and I’m glad Jay wasn’t home to go through all this PTSD/drug reaction stuff w/ me as I melted down.
I feel I really need to remember what happened and how bad it was. I need to remember that I got through it and figured out how to help myself.
Yesterday I had moments of anxiety again and that was weird. It seemed like some breakthrough moments with leftover Prozac in my body.
It was a wonderful weekend to be with our friends. I’m glad they were here as I figured this stuff out and also listened as they talked about their families. It’s definitely a season of life. It also made me appreciate more again how my mother-in-law has handled things. So organized, honest, upfront, caring. Just amazing.