I’ve had a horrible pelvic flare the last two weeks with today being the worst so far.
Fortunately I had a previously scheduled PT appointment for my hips and was able to instead work on my pelvic area. It helped a tremendous amount to release the muscles that were locked up.
Why did it happen?
Could have been any number of things. My left side is now much looser than my right side, so possible pulling and twisting things out again. The stress of the situation with our folks. Inconsistent stretching. Too much sitting. Yoga then sitting in the car. Drinking too much booze and the inflammation starting in my bladder and working forward.
Who knows. Probably some of all the above.
This means I’ll have to be on some kind of pain plan for my health care. The doc said last time they have to put people on a pain plan when you have more than a certain amount. So, like, whatever.
I guess the big news for me is I don’t feel that sad. I usually am super spun out emotionally and mentally when I get a flare like this. it sort of takes you out and you have to stop what you’re doing, sleep more, etc.
Why is that?
Also many thoughts. Prozac for sure seems to be helping. The most recent therapy visits and EMDR/Lifespan around the topics that have plagued me forever, specifically, I’m a loser. Starting to see so many other people who’ve had the same issues I have and are surviving. The other night at book group, out of eight of us, six had a family member with severe mental illness or suicide.
This stuff just happens. I’m not weird.
*****
I’ve had more Hydro today than in months and months. Yet, the depression and anxiety and the heavy, heavy cloud of thoughts is mostly gone.
I can handle the pain when the despir is gone.
The despair has haunted me my whole life. When these things have happened on and off over the years, the despair overwhelmed me. It was isolating. It was crushing. It made the chronic pain so much worse. I folded into myself and it ruined the time I had the pain, during and after. It made me feel like my life was over and has amounted to nothing. The thoughts, the despair. I can’t believe I’m not feeling it.
I was out tonight after volunteering for an hour and usually, I’m distracting myself with anything I can before I can go to sleep. I didn’t feel that sense of despair.
It’s blissful and a game-changer.
I am grateful for the Prozac which I think is helping. I only have a few pills left and I’m not freaking out. I like the new reality. I know the therapy has helped. it’s helped to just stop wondering and being sad. It feels like a lot of it is also a choice, choosing to not be sad in the middle of the pain.
I feel also like I know things will get better. I don’t need to panic. The pain always goes away. I’ll solve the problem. There are resources. The panic has made things so much worse, so much worse.
I hope the pain has subsided by tomorrow.
I am happy to be alive.