The situation with the employee has resolved itself with an apology from this person today.
I am resisting the temptation to help them feel better about what an idiot they were. That is weird, that this was my first reaction. Quickly behind it though was the realization that I can’t help them with their issues. They made a big mistake, and they feel bad now. That’s how it works. My job is not to save them or help them or recover the situation especially when I was the one inconvenienced and wounded.
I could tell going through this whole process that I’m making significant headway mentally and emotionally. I feel more resilient. I feel more stable. I feel like I can make better decisions and my mind is fractured. I didn’t go to shame and blame. The situation is resolving, and I handled it like an adult.
*****
I went on an unintentional wormhole this morning.
I had to put away some checks, and I store our old and new checks in a box near a box of old cards. There on the floor was a box that has a Christmas theme all over it, one of those sortof hard, fancy boxes. I have been putting Christmas cards without thought in there, wrapped in bundles w/ a sticky note and rubber band, for decades now.
When I started to get seriously about minimalism, I did a sorting of some of them. It was substantial however and I never got it completely done.
I decided this morning to quickly go through the box and just get one of these little purging chores done for the day as it is actually incredibly satisfying. I have been slowly clearing space on this shelf for a while now. There’s actually open spaces on the shelves and just took a box of old checks and statements to the UPS office for shredding (that is a truly amazing and very affordable service they provide).
But it was crazy to read cards and letters from literally decades ago. Several family members going through various stages of being single, then married, then divorced, then married again. People we no longer speak to due to drastically different opinions that emerged as we changed and became less conservative. An aunt who basically had a nervous breakdown and the physical ailments that accumulate as a result, not unlike my father. She was healthy once; now she’s confined to a bed in a nursing home. An aunt who was an artist, sending custom made cards almost identical to ones I sent last year. Another aunt who sent artsy winter cards instead of the hyper-religious ones from everyone else. Cards from my parents when my dad was alive. Same for Jay’s parents. Cards when things were better with my brother. Cards from people I used to work with, go to school with, had as students. Cards with holes cut in them from the ornament craft project I learned from my grandma and did with different classes.
Voices from the past, some comforting, some sad, some sobering.
I’m glad I’m purging and cleaning and defining my list of “wants” as Kay said today in our session. I want my life to be my life, not a life of shoulds and obligations.
It’s crazy to make that switch, but it’s happening and it feels amazing.
What also feels amazing was the therapy session today. Learned so much.