We had a seasonal party here on Sat eve. We haven’t done a decent size party here for several months. I have’t had the energy, and the wedding was sort of a giant party.
The idea came from texting with a friend how we were tired as the fall weather started, school started, etc. Then it hit me, that we just blow through all the seasonal changes, the moon, everything. We just stay in our well-lit homes w/ decent heat or cooling and are completely out of touch w/ the planet and solar system.
So I brought it up at group, the idea of doing a harvest dinner, a seasonal dinner to mark the change of season. That’s what we did tonight. We had soup, went on a lantern walk and had the kids pick up sticks to put in the fire we made, the first fire of the season. It seemed like a really good thing, but it was significant.
This used to be a pretty big part of our lives, weekly group time. We’ve gone through this weird transition phase and now have a biweekly time. The group is smaller and no longer open or listed with any church. We’re sort of underground.
It felt good to do it again and realized something Jay said today. He said I do better w/ my anxiety when I’m distracted. So basically boredom isn’t great for how my brain functions. It gives me way too much time to think and ruminate. Like I’ve had for the last two years especially.
I’m probably easier on myself and others when I’m doing things that are more productive, more creative, with people. Yeah, when I have too much downtime, things get bad.
*****
AlAnon tonight was timely. I lead and read a story from Forum on rafting and how that’s similar to life. One person mentioned that whatever comes your way, if you’re staying in the program and doing your practices, it shouldn’t be as hard. if we stop doing the normal things, we should assume it will all be harder.
A few people talked about how fear really doesn’t scare them like it used to. Someone said you just need to get out of your own head.
I still resist elements of this program I guess.
Another talk w/ #1 daughter regarding stress. We talked about meditation, anxiety, meds. She’s not excited about the week ahead but I think she’s going to make it.
We did a long urban walk today. I’m amazed at my capacity to have negative selftalk. It’s sort of paralyzing. I get tired of it. No mistake or slight too small!
I did stop to look at the sunset for some perspective. What did it say to me this time? Someone else has the big stuff handled.
Spokane, WA