I've was born into a family of tension and inconsistencies and differences.
My Dad's family was the same way.
I used to deeply envy families that vacation and play easily together. I believe my small nuclear family is like that now, but the family of origin I came from is not and theirs were not either.
As a result, it has been hard to find a place to land within my family, find just a few people that I can spend time with. My aunt in LA is one of those few people. We think alike on many things, identical on some, similar on others and opposite on a few. She respects my views and boundaries and likewise.
I'm more religious or spiritually-oriented than her, but I'm not a fundamentalist like almost all the rest of my family on both sides, including my husband's family. I don't believe people go to hell. I believe God is accessible everywhere to everyone. I believe God speaks to all of us especially when we are looking and searching and open.
I don't honestly care much anymore about beliefs. I care about how people act, how they treat people, the earth, the community. I have grown weary of the hypocrisy everywhere that has always existed. I don't have to be in groups where it seems more present than in others. That's my freedom and choice. And like Thomas Keating, while I am not God, I believe I am not separate from God. And, I do believe in divine energy or God. So I am different in my beliefs and how I live my life from everyone in some way in my extended family.
I don't have to convince my aunt or anyone else about my religious beliefs or make sure they're okay with being spiritually-oriented toward a belief in a divine being. I still believe that, because I've experienced a connection. I can tell my stories, but I don't have to convince anyone. I can share what I can handle. I don't have to do anything on this. I feel a freedom this morning from this pressure to say more or do more on this topic. I am religious, and I don't want to misrepresent what positive part religion has played in my life. I also want peace almost more than anything else with the few family members who are safe. I don't know how this will all play out.