My stomach hurts so bad I couldn’t eat yesterday. It is the gastritis again. I drank coffee last week and had a pop on Friday night. It’s never been this bad. I will have to now go see a doctor finally and see what’s going on.
Today I woke up with nausea and the spasms. I did a few things that helped like fennel and peppermint and ginger. Also vinegar. What was harder was my mind. I am still wrestling with what it means to be in the present. And not be depressed, especially when I feel shitty.
I have decided to stop reading while I eat. I am not being mindful at all when I eat. I just make something then watch TV or read a magazine when I eat. I don’t even really enjoy it.
Just now I ate a tortilla shell wrapped up with some PB. I just spaced out and sat looking at some art pieces on the wall. I don’t know that I’ve ever done that. This is insanity, that we are buying things that we don’t enjoy or appreciate.
While I was just staring at them, I noticed me fingers were rolling the tortilla around in my fingers, touching it, rolling it around, doing little patterns that I tend to do with things like the strap of my purse, etc. I had no intention of doing that movement; I just did it.
I wonder how much of life I am missing because my big messed up brain and ego is in the way, how many little things like that I could get back.
So yeah, just sitting here eating, and being with the art I have and with the moment.
On a fun note, went to an Improv show this eve. Trying to do fun things and get out more.