I am questing to become whole again, and if I'm lucky, better or more whole than I was before all this happened.
As a result, my mind is going over and over again my origins and who I am. I hope to do a DNA test one of these days to see how that hits me.
I continue to be largely uncomfortable w/ many aspects of this culture. It doesn’t seem we really have a culture per se. I am yearning for more closeness to nature, to people and community, to the earth and the seasons. Our culture seems based on hyperstimulation and I'm moving toward a lifestyle that is hyperstimulated.
As a result, this all just adds to my feeling of disconnection from myself. I don't even feel I fit into my culture, let alone my own life and body. I am fighting to create an identity, either again or for the first time.
I still frequently feel overwhelmed making simple decisions, and the culture adds a lot of noise to that situation, not clarity. I don't want to totally isolate myself, but I have to be careful how I engage the culture. I still feel under siege like I did when the kids were little.
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