We had dinner w/ the family of the president of the organization I'm on the board for. What a jumbled sentence.
I wouldn't choose to have dinner with those folks if we weren't all connected to this organization.
I have long suspected and feel this individual hides alot. He has some kind of persona that I don't fully understand. I feel fakey being with him, and he feels fakey. The whole thing feels fakey and off. He's made decisions I don't agree with. He's a decent person. I don't like it.
I wonder what it would be like to mainly spend time only with people I wanted to be with, in my free time that is. I wonder if that day will come.
It was logical he'd ask to hang out. They stayed at the condo for their spring break and did some college visits for one of their daughters. They borrowed the car we keep for our friends. The whole thing never has felt right, and after a mildly pleasant but boring dinner, still doesn't feel right.
I'm ready to start trusting my instincts more, and in the situation of this organization, I think I know where that will lead. I wonder how that will unfold the rest of the year.
So yeah, another evening with people I didn't really want to be with. I don't know that they wanted to be with me. It all feels sort of sad. I'm ready for it to be over.
I have too many responsibilities. I feel too obligated to too many things.
I imagine I won't be getting truly healthy until I'm willing to face that. This feels harder than just doing some internal work. This involves relationships.
Yikes.
We'll see how badly I want to heal.