Thinking about adult kids. I had an email yesterday that was a phishing scheme based on someone probably gaining passwords from a compromised website. KT helped me out and was fun to work on it with her.
This is an interesting stage of life, adult kids on their own. It'd be easy to feel insecure, but I know they love us and we're also living pretty independently.
Sometimes there is awkwardness and funny inconsistencies. Sometimes our life seems boring. These types of scenarios are common: Kid; We just went to Cancun with friends from work! Us; We just planted peas in that spot in the yard where your playhouse used to be!
*****
Family stuff has been hard. My Mom has stood by me my whole life but couldn't stop talking about her causes and politics until she saw she could lose people.
She's true, honest, curious, determined, loyal, smart, opinionated.
I'm feeling badly that it's been a struggle. I've been too negative, too critical. I wish I could have responded differently or things could have been better. I guess its not too late.
*****
I am relaxing. My body feels like it's unwinding. To also be getting free from pain, the combination leaves me feeling like I just want to enjoy it.
I also am trying to pursue my next stage of life. Occasionally I feel badly I'm not "doing" more. We'll see where this leads.
*****
We headed up to the lake to hang out with friends for the day and evening. My ear and jaw pain keeps growing. Le sigh. If I was in Spokane, I'd probably have gone to urgent care. It feels like I have an infection. Just trying to manage it with medicine and not complain or focus on it.
As a result, have struggled today to remain positive. I will say here, my body sometimes feels like whack-a-mole. Just when one thing gets resolved, another pops up. Mainly, it takes the edge off of the fun or feeling full of life.
When we were doing a walk after dinner, I tried to just be grateful and look around. Observe the beauty and not go into the dumps. It helped a little. Yeah, it helped.
I find myself comparing things we used to do with the kids with what it's like now. Overall I'd rather have the kids around. They added a significant amount of energy that I miss. It's wonderful to be here with our friends though and stay overnight for the first time.
One of the people up here works in leadership studies at a university in town. I have considered that direction for next steps. I wish I knew what to do exactly. I'm trying to be grateful for this time to recover and hope it becomes more clear as i observe and listen. I think it's pretty obvious I'm too much of a doer, so this season is good. However, I hope I have the discpline to keep exploring and testing out new ideas like I do on so many other things.